The Coolest Thing

First let me apologize to my readers for not posting in so long. Life grabbed me by the throat and just keeps squeezing but I'll get into some of that another time.

Tonight, I just want to tell you all the coolest thing that has happened to me in a long while. Friday afternoon I went outside to feed the dogs. While they were eating I thought I'd take a look at my recently planted raspberry bushes to see how they were coming along. I was leaning over and just as I started to straighten up a toucan flew over my head and we bounced off of each other.


The toucan looked like the one in that picture. They nest in the trees around my house for a little while every year.

It was just too cool! It's now Sunday night and I am still grinning over it.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Arresting Views

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Wordless Wednesday - Progression Into Uniform

First Day Of School - We've kinda got the right colors going

Second Week Of School - We got the right uniform shirt now

Third Week Of School - We finally have the whole uniform happening

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Ready For A New Week

I am completely hating this entire week and just want it to be over. Or better yet I wish it had never started.

Monday afternoon my brother was coming home from picking his daughter up at school. Just as he got into my mother's yard one of her puppies, her favorite one, Tess, ran under the wheels of the pickup and was killed. My mother, who rarely gets completely upset about the death of her animals is devastated.

Tess, a Blue Heeler, was only a few months old. She was actually a replacement, for lack of a better word, for another Blue Heeler my mother had bought from a breeder. We brought the first baby home late one afternoon and she was dead by the next day. She died of parvo, a virus that she should have been vaccinated against and would have been within the next day or so. So, when the breeder had another litter of pups my mother went and chose Tess.

She was a loving, friendly, little pup who always wanted to be as close to my mother as possible and thoroughly believed she belonged inside the house.

Yesterday, Wednesday, I took my female Rottweiler, Mia, to the vet because she was barely able to stand. Her back legs just wouldn't support her. When she did manage to get to a standing position she'd just sway and if she took a few steps she looked like she was drunk.

Last Thursday she was completely fine. Friday afternoon when I went out to feed the dogs she looked drunk and wouldn't lay one foot straight. Saturday she just seemed to really be favoring one foot although she barely ate her dinner. Sunday and Monday she didn't seem any better but she didn't seem any worse. I did notice her nails were really long and I trimmed them thinking that was why she wouldn't lay her foot down. Tuesday she was worse and by yesterday she was standing lean.

By time I got her from home to the vet, about 10 minutes away, she was breathing hard and twitching. Her eyes were also going back and forth. He said she was really suffering. He offered two courses of action, try and pump her up with antibiotics and see if that would bring her back or put her down. He held out little hope though that the antibiotics could or would be able to do anything for her except prolong her suffering. So, although my heart was breaking, I had her put down.

Mia came to me in a round about way. My older brother, Alex, bought her and my mother bought her brother but Alex's other female kept beating her up and Mia was always at my house. She only went home to eat and even then only some of the time. Eventually, I just bought her from Alex. I'm not overly fond of Rottweilers but she needed a safe home and she was always here anyway. But she was an ill-fated dog from the start. Absolutely everything that was passing by managed to get her. When there was a hurricane in the area and an old tree got knocked down a swarm of bees attacked her. Then there were fleas and whereas everyone else had a few that were easily gotten rid of she was absolutely covered from head to tail and it took a long time to get rid of them. Then it was ticks and she's always the worst for worms. No matter how many times I medicate her for intestinal worms she always had them. And she was never able to put on and keep on any weight. All in all, she was just a sickly dog no matter what I did for her.

So, while I am going to miss her and my heart is aching for my loss, I know she is in a better place and she's out of pain and bounding happily through meadows of grass playing with my other babies who have gone before.

Rest in peace Tess and Mia! We miss you both so much!

Sadly
-Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Because It Looks Cool

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Homemade Soursop Ice Cream

I made soursop ice cream on Saturday!

Last week one of my sisters-in-law told me she had a soursop from her tree that was ready. It was quite hard so I left it to sit on my counter for a few days. By Friday night it was getting soggy so I cut it open and scooped out all the yummy flesh and took out the seeds. This thing had about a million seeds. I mushed it all around and then added some condensed milk, a touch of lime juice and a little vanilla to it and put it all in the fridge.

Saturday I gave it to my mother to taste. Her first response was that it was too thick - I hadn't yet added the milk. Then she said I had to separate the trash from the flesh. When reading online that sounded like an easy enough task but it turned out not to be. I tried to squish it against the side of the colander but that lasted for about three seconds. Then I tried using my fingers to squeegy off the pulp but that lasted for about three pieces. Finally, I dumped some of it in the blender with some milk and pureed it. That thinned it out a bit but it still wouldn't go through the colander, so I added more milk. LOTS more milk.

Oops... wrong move because it diluted the taste too much. I've never been one for moderation when it comes to cooking, or in this case ice cream making.

Finally, though I got it all through the blender, through the colander, back through the blender, through the colander, through the blender again on whip to give it some air bubbles, then into some yogurt containers and into the freezer. After a few hours I went and stirred the half frozen ice cream and placed it back in the freezer.

Sunday I took my mother's share over to her. She said it needed more condensed milk but she likes things super sweet. My other sister-in-law, not the one I got the sweetsop from, said it tasted pretty good. Matthew and my niece liked it.

My conclusion is it tastes good but needs less milk next time and it would be much better if it was frozen in an ice cream maker. But all-in-al, homemade ice cream is totally the way to go!

What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? And do you prefer homemade or store bought?

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

* I forgot to take pictures. Soursop image is from Pokka.

To See The Future Or Not

One day recently, my younger brother, Patrick and I were in the car. I asked him how he was doing and he said okay. I asked him why he was only okay. He said because he'd like to be able to see into the future.

Patrick, his wife Tanis and their daughter, recently moved to the rainforest so I think he's feeling very much at odds with things all the changes right now.

Anyway, I told him probably 90% of the population of the world would like to also be able to see into the future. He asked me if I am part of that 90%.

And you know what?

I said no. I told him I'm happy with my life right now. I have my son, my house and a good idea for a business. The only thing I'd like to change is I need to learn to manage my time better. Somehow, I have so many things to get done and everything is partially finished but nothing seems to get completely done. I mentioned this to my mother and she told me to concentrate on one project at a time so that's what I am going to do.

Project One - Finish as much as I can of the renovations to my house. This means buy the windows and get them installed. Fill the cracks in the floor, sand and varnish it. And sand and varnish the new deck between the two houses.

Project Two - Finish painting three signs that are at various points of completion.

Project Three - Expand my thought processes on the new business idea and get that in motion.

Project Four - Design and build the kitchen cabinets for the new house. (This project hasn't been started at all yet.)

Now that it's all written down like that it seems much easier to accomplish and less jumbled in my head.

So, are you part of the 90% or not?

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

We Survived!

Hanging Out Before Heading Off To School

Yesterday, Matthew's first day of pre-school, was a success.

Arriving a few minutes early, I took him into his classroom and introduced him to his teachers. He was a bit hesitant at first but Miss Ava gave him a puzzle to do which settled him down. He immediately put all the pieces in and Miss Ashley told him how smart he was. (I always KNEW he was brilliant!) A few minutes after the second child arrived I told Matthew goodbye which set off the waterworks but I just kissed him and left. I hate when he is crying and I know the only thing I can do for him is leave.

When I picked him up two hours later he was all smiles, clutching a pack of cookies and wearing a bracelet he didn't have before. He said he had a good time but that he wasn't going back today. :-D

I'm Going To School Today

Today was a better. I didn't stay as long and there were no tears when I left. I did get excited squeals when I went back for him though.

As I've said before, Matthew is only going to go to school for two half days a week. I found out today that Fridays there is only a morning class made up of the three and four year olds. That class will have a total of 13 students in it so I've decided to make Fridays one of the days he goes. Currently, there are only three children in his class which makes the socialization experiment kinda meaningless. After all, to just have two children to play with he could stay home and play with my niece and nephew who also live on the property.

September 1, 2010 - Matthew's First Day of Pre-School

As for the teachers, they seem nice and Matthew says he likes them. I want to question them and have them tell me minute-by-minute what Matthew did while he was away from me but I'm not sure how well that would go over. It's quite frustrating having a child who doesn't speak in this instance. I ask him if he colored, he says yes. I ask him if he sang, he says yes. I ask him if he flew, he says yes. Somehow I don't think I'm getting the real answers out of him.

I think I should be asking questions but I don't know what questions to ask or what information to give about Matthew. I did let one of the teachers know that Matthew is not to get anything with red #40 or MSG in it but other than that I'm completely lost.

So, all you experienced mommies, what should I be asking the teachers at this point?

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Ablaze In The Darkness

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

This...

...walked across my house on Saturday.
Rainforest living is NOT for the faint of heart!

(At least I think it was one of these, a skink, not this one in particular. But whatever it was it was at least 12 inches long!)

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

* Pictures are from the Mongabay website.

I'm Distressed!

I think I am going to die or cry or something!

I've just come back from enrolling Matthew in school!

Granted it's pre-school and he'll only go two half days a week and I keep telling myself it's a glorified daycare setting, it's still school with a curriculum and a uniform! And for two mornings (or afternoons - I'm not sure yet which class he'll be in) my baby will be away from me. Out of my sight. Doing things I'm not aware of. Learning, hopefully.

I'm distressed!

But because of Matthew's speech delay his pediatrician has recommended enrolling him in some form of social group with children his own age. And where we live this is the best solution but I hate, hate, hate, the whole idea of it! I mean, Matthew is only two and a half years old. He should be at home for at least another year and a half, right?

The only upside to any of this, other than the whole point of it that being with his peers might bring along his speech, is it's only two half days and if after a while it doesn't appear to be helping and he really hates it too I can always take him out. It's being paid for on a month by month basis so there is no obligation for him to keep going.

Yesterday, my mother, younger brother and his family and I went to Chetumal, Mexico for the day but because the adoption is still not finished Matthew is unable to leave the country. I left him at the babysitter's house with her many, many, brothers and sisters, there are twelve children in that family ranging from 20+ down to eleven months. We got back too late last night to pick Matthew up so I got him this morning. The babysitter says he had a great time, which Matthew agreed with. She says he played happily with all the children, didn't cause any trouble and SPOKE to the other children. Specifically, she says he said "want more" and "play" so maybe this is exactly what Matthew needs and maybe, I hope, he will really benefit from the experience.

But I am still distressed!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Eight Questions; Eight Answers

Mommy's Nest posted these questions on her blog and invited her readers to answer them too.

1. Have you ever seen a ghost? If you have, what's the story behind it?
I've never seen a ghost but I have felt them many times. In my apartment in Toronto there were two of them. One had a evil aura about him and I often had nightmares whenever I felt him. The other was just the opposite and always made me feel calm.

2. What is your most embarrassing moment?
One time at a hotel I asked the guy at the front desk where I could find a fancy restaurant. He told me and then proceeded to explain where it was. After a while I piped up that I knew where it was and that I lived here. Everyone just gave me weird looks but in my defense after he told me the name and the general area where it was I knew exactly what he was talking about but still I should have just kept my mouth shut.

3. What was your best job and why?
I freelanced for a company in Markham, Ontario, for a few years off and on. I always loved working there because the camaraderie in the office was great.

4. What was your worst job and why?
I worked for my uncle for a while but I could never do enough or do anything good enough to suit him. I spent a lot of that year crying and was never so glad as when I finally quit.

5. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the $?
First I'd pay off my bills, then I'd immediately intensify my search for a baby girl to adopt. Then I'd share a portion of the money with my family and friends and invest the rest.

6. Have you met any celebrities? If you have, what's the story behind it?
I haven't really met any but living in Toronto I saw quite a few out and about. I saw Lou Diamond Phillips in the lobby of the Four Seasons, Adam Arkin and William H. Macy standing around while a scene was being shot for some movie or other, and Michael Douglas, Katherine Zeta Jones and Kurt Douglas when Michael and Katherine introduced Kurt before he did a reading from his book.

7. What is your favorite childhood memory?
One time my mother came home and told us if we were all in the car with the house clean in ten minutes we'd go to Edmonton for the day. (We were living in Calgary at the time.) We headed up and spent the rest of the day at West Edmonton Mall. When we left my mother decided she didn't want to drive home so we started looking for a hotel. It turned out Duran Duran was playing in the city that night and all the hotels and motels were completely full. Eventually my mother asked the receptionist if we could borrow some blankets and their bathroom and spend the night in the parking lot. The receptionist asked if it was for my mother and her husband but my mother said it was for her and her three children. The receptionist told my mother to hang on and when she came back she said the hotel was full but if we wanted to we could stay in the boardroom and that they'd bring in a cot for her and sleeping bags for us. So we did. It was great. In the morning my mother decided she didn't want to go home that day either so we ended up spending three days in Edmonton although that night we had a regular room.

8. What's your biggest regret?
My biggest, and only, regret is after my grandmother had her stroke I didn't get home in time to tell her goodbye in person before she died. This is only tempered by the fact I did speak to her on the phone after the stroke. She died on March 24, 1996, and I graduated from college that year and she wasn't there to see it. I guess that's really two regrets.

Feel free to play along and post your own answers if you'd like.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Roarrrrrrrr

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Post It Note Tuesday - Let's Play!

On a side note, no pun intended, Post It Note Tuesday is for sale over at SupahMommy. The person who buys this Meme will be helping a good cause because part of the proceeds will go to Jaden Duttine, Squeezing Out Childhood Cancer. Check out his story here: Jaden's Journey

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - You'd Think I Would Learn

It's not showing up very well but yes, that's sever sunburn.

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Tasmanian Devil No More

A few weeks ago if someone had asked me to describe Matthew in one word I would have said "impossible". He was so manic all day long and half the night I was ready to tie him down to a chair or something. He honestly gave the term "bouncing off the walls" new meaning. He was no longer just bouncing, he was slamming into the walls repeatedly. It was horrible and somehow he was worse when we went out in public. Even my mother, who is usually much calmer than me, was at her wits end and told him she no longer enjoyed going out with him.

Then it finally dawned on me. He used to be like that, manic, bouncing off the walls and impossible to deal with and then someone commented that there was a lot of MSG in the ham on the pizza he was eating. I really started paying attention to the foods he was eating when we were out and had stopped giving him pizza altogether.

But slowly, I stopped thinking about it and the week leading up to the latest insanity he had pizza three times in a matter of four or five days. We were out a lot that week and it was something easy to grab on the go. Plus, I really like pizza.

I immediately stopped giving him pizza or any processed ham. I started reading the labels on everything I was buying (which is loads of fun as the packaging is often in Spanish and I don't speak Spanish). Within one day, Matthew was half as manic and within a few days he was behaving like a child again and no longer like a Tasmanian Devil.

So, there is a direct link between MSG and Matthew's ability to be focused and stay calm. Today, we went grocery shopping. Every single tin of Campbell's soup I picked up has MSG in it. So did most of the different tomato sauces I use to make dip for his tortilla chips. And so many other things we barely got any groceries. Thank God it's not in oatmeal or he'd really have a problem since that's his favorite thing to eat!

Are there any foods that send your children right over the edge?

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Mmmmmm Lunch!

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

I'm So Excited!

And I just can't hide it!

(Sorry, that song, and don't ask me the name of it or who sings it, just popped into my head.)

So, I'm really, super, excited. Late last year I bought a second house. It's a small wooden structure, 12 feet by 20 feet, and it's been sitting out here since December 12th. I'll always remember the date it got set up because it was my 35th birthday.

Maybe I need to explain all this. Please bear with me. Houses here are often wooden structures that are built offsite and then delivered when they are ready. My first house is 18 feet by 20 feet and it's one big room and the bathroom. When I first moved here and had this house built I lived alone and it worked out well. However, as Matthew has gotten bigger we've sort of outgrown the space. I'm really good at jigsaw puzzles and have managed to keep the house looking spacious with all our combined "stuff" but we just need more room.

So, I bought the second house. It was built by old style Mennonites who have no electricity and run their saw mill with horses. It's all very cool to see. After it was delivered though I hit a small financial snag and connecting it to the first house was put on hold for a while. That while is over.

I placed the second house at a 45 degree angle to the first one not really thinking about how much floor space that was going to put between the two houses. And then just because I like to be difficult I had the new house set two feet higher than the first one. (Actually that was so that I'd stop hitting my head when I went under the house.) In the end the front corners are about 4.5 feet apart but the back space is 20 feet wide. Basically, I've tripled my house size.

The first house will be divided into two bedrooms and the bathroom and the second house will be the kitchen and family room. The space between will eventually have a roof and grill to enclose the whole thing. More decks will also be added on to the front and back and possibly the side as time and money permit. I'm also going to start saving again to add one more house, again at a 45 degree angle to the second one, and the accompanying decks.

The construction of the deck should be finished tomorrow, weather permitting. I'll post pictures in the next few days.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Xunantunich Mayan Ruins

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Will He Ever Have The Right Last Name?

And now for the promised continuation of Matthew's Story...

Matthew is two and a half today. I have no idea where the time has gone or how we've managed to get this far. Before I know it my baby will be ready to start school and then he'll be be eighteen and he'll have one foot out the door and I wonder what his last name will be on that day.

Matthew and I on the water taxi last month

My beautiful boy playing with Play-Doh in June 2010

Today, his last name is still the wrong one. I mean he goes by my last name and he was Baptized with my name and even most of his medical records are in my last name but the one important piece of paper, his birth certificate, lists his name differently. Wrongly.

Matthew had the unfortunate luck of being born the day before an election. The day before my lawyer became a minister of something or other. I think it's finance. It took weeks of calling and asking the law firm to send me the release forms for the birth mother to sign. And then it took months before she would come back to town to sign them. (Apparently, she lives in a village in the middle of no where and she didn't want me coming there.)

Finally, they were signed and I stupidly thought things would progress smoothly from there. What could happen to cause any more problems? It was supposed to be a simple, straightforward, adoption.

I took the signed forms to the law office only to be told I'd now be dealing with my lawyer's daughter. Okay, no problem, she's a lawyer too. She looked over the papers, took my birth certificate, and asked me for my passport. It was weeks away from expiring so she said I'd have to renew it before we could continue. I dealt with that and got the new passport in July of '08.

That's when things really started going wrong. We called the law firm only to be told the lawyer no longer worked there. But how could that be since it was her father's law firm and his wife also worked there? Phone call upon phone call and finally we got hold of the wife, I think it was. By this point it was December. I went in and signed my name about a hundred million times and thought okay, this is it now. I also made arrangements to pay in installments. (Previously, we'd go in, get the work done and then get a bill and pay it but no longer.) By January 2009, I paid my final installment.

After that I couldn't get an answer from anyone. I'd email and call and get told, "We're working on it... We are going to go and talk to Human Development this week... We are waiting for this... We are waiting for that... We'll get back to you soon...."

I should have asked them if the cheque was in the mail, too.

Then I heard Human Development was claiming they hadn't received any of the files the law firm sent over. They were sent again. Then I was told my new lawyer, the daughter, was out of the country studying. Then she was back and working on it. Then my social worker told me she hadn't received the file. I told her the lawyers had sent them twice and low and behold they were "found".

Then in March of this year I was told I had to come in and sign all the papers again because they were outdated. So I printed out four copies of the 25 page document, signed them all and delivered them to the law firm. A week later I was told to come in to sign the papers again. I did that. Then it was a different daughter because the first one was still away studying and this one was here on vacation and trying to get this all done quickly so I could get Matthew a passport to take him with me to Jamaica before my aunt died. Needless to say it didn't get done.

Now it's July, the first daughter is back but she's working on her thesis and isn't going back to work until September so we are STILL waiting.

Oh yes, I spoke to her on the phone and so told me I'd have to come in to resign the papers because they are outdated. I swear I nearly lost it on her at that point. I told her I'd already signed the papers twice this year. Then she said okay then she's just waiting to get the report from Human Development. I told her she already has that in the file. Then she said it just had to be filed with the courts then. I told her that too had already been done according to her sister. So, finally she said she'd go into the office and take a look at the file and let me know. Surprise, surprise, I still haven't heard from her.

My mother, thinking she might have better luck than me, called the lawyer and asked her to see if she can hurry up and get this done but of course she got the runaround too.

Two and a half years and one simple, straightforward, UNCONTESTED, adoption can't get done yet. I have lost all patience and am willing to let my mother deal with things for a while because if I talk to any of them I'm going to scream.

I keep telling myself something my mother always tells me my grandmother used to say. "When yu han in lion mouth, yu have to tek time an tek it out." (When your hand is in the lion's mouth, you have to take time and take it out.)

All of this has to finish one day, right?

And to think, I am ready to start looking again to get my girl. God help me!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - My First Baby

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Lost Day

Another day completely wasted. Okay, maybe not completely but almost. Matthew and I woke up a little later than usual this morning. We started to get ready to head over to my mother's to help her pack up her living room. Just as we were about to start washing our faces the power went out - thankfully I keep a couple containers of water for just such occasions. We finished getting ready and left.

My younger brother, his wife and their daughter are moving here on Thursday so we were clearing space and putting down a mattress and stuff for them over at my mother's. We finished that and there was still no power. It went off at 8 a.m. and this was about 10 a.m. so my mother called the power company. Should I be worried that she knows the man there by name? She asked what was going on and when the power would be back. He answered that this was a power outage and it wouldn't be turned back on until 4 p.m.

That's from 8 in the morning!

How can they possibly turn off the power for eight straight hours? It's insane!

So, basically after we finished tidying the house we sat around and twiddled our thumbs for the rest of the day. Oh! Did I mention, it was raining and my older brother was on the road with the truck working so we had no transportation either?

Ahhhh... life in the rainforest.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Photoshop Fun

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Matthew's Story

Matthew, April 30, 2010, 2 years 3 months old

I chose single motherhood. I chose this child. This amazing little boy. My son. My heart. My love. And, yes, my stress.

Matthew is the answer to a prayer I've been praying since I was a little girl. I firmly believe God Himself gave me THIS boy. I've always wanted to be a mother. I always thought I'd be a great one, too. Maybe my belief in myself was too strong or maybe God wanted to knock me down a peg or two but I am not a great mother. I love my boy but I am impatient with him. I am impatient with life. I'm working on it though and with God's help and understanding I'll get better.

You see, Matthew is adopted, or rather he is in the process of being adopted. I despair that the adoption will ever be finished but that's a rant for my next post. For this one, let me tell you how Matthew and I came together.

Me and Matthew January 30, 2008 - He's yawning, not screaming - My little alien baby

When I was younger, I'd always say I was going to have a child by time I was 30, whether or not I was still single. But 30 came along and financially I was not able to support a baby. Time passed and things got better. Just after my 33rd birthday, I heard through a friend that there was a baby going to be born in late January or early February 2008 who was being given up for adoption. I spoke to the clinic doctors and was told there was another couple already in line for this child. I asked to be kept in mind regardless and was assured I would be.

For the next few weeks, every week, I'd call the technician at the clinic and ask if he had heard any news. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Hi. Sorry to bother you but any news on the baby?"
Tech: "No. No news, we are still waiting for the girl to come back in and you are not bothering me."

Finally, an appointment was made for me to meet the girl on January 31st. But God has a funny sense of humour because on January 30, 2008, at 10 a.m., my phone rang and woke me up. It was the technician saying, "she's here, she's in pain, the doctors aren't here, and now would be a good time for you to come and meet her and when you do, please take her to the hospital!"

I grabbed my mother, out of her sickbed, and the two of us flew to town. We got there at about 11 a.m. and by then the girl was at the hospital, the doctor from the clinic had shown up, the baby had been born and after about 15 or 20 minutes, although it seemed like much longer, he turned to me and asked, if I had any clothes for the baby? I told him I did and he told me to bring them. I got them from the car and at that point one of the nurses took pity on me and asked if I'd like to see him.

Outside of medical staff, I was the first person to touch him.

Matthew, 1 day old, in the sleeper I brought him home in. It was miles too big but having never met the birth mother I had no clue what size this child was going to be.

To this day, no one has said the words, "he is your son" but I brought him home the following day after the pediatrician released him from the hospital. Just before his first birthday, he crawled over to me, pulled himself up in front of my knees, looked at me, said, "Mama" and went back to his helicopter.

To be continued...

Hi and Kisses

In the last few months, Matthew has started blowing kisses and waving hello many, many, many, times a day. It's the strangest thing but it seems to offer him comfort of some sort. He'll be sitting there drinking his milk and suddenly stop and blow me a kiss. I blow one back and then we wave at each other.

Or just now, for example, I sent him to the potty. He said, "Yeah! Yeah!" Nodded vigorously, took a step, turned back, blew me a kiss, waved and then went pee. It's got to be one of the cutest things ever!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Questioning...

There are but two lasting bequests we can give our children;
The first is roots, the last wings.

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you had done something differently in your past? Or if you had not done something? If you had just made a different decision?

Those are the questions that have been plaguing my mind the last few weeks. Where would I be had I not left Calgary? Had I not moved to Jamaica? Had I stayed in Toronto rather than moving to the rainforest?

And maybe more than that, what would or could have happened if things had worked out with this person or that person? Would I still be single? Would I be married or happily shacked up - because I don't really see myself ever being married - or worse, would I be divorced?

Don't get me wrong, I like my life. I'm happy. But what would be different? It's like one of those choose your own ending books I loved as a child. Go to page seven the story turns out one way but go to page eleven and it turns out completely different.

You may be wondering if I am so happy with my life why I have all these questions. It is solely to do with Facebook. I love the reconnection that site allows people. I've gotten back in contact with a girl who was my best friend in elementary school, I've reconnected with a teacher who had a great impact on my life, someone who made a lonely girl less lonely, and Facebook makes it very easy to keep in some form of daily contact with family members who live in other places. But the down side I'm finding is that I get glimpses of other people's lives, people from my past, and I wonder what their life is like now. We started out in the same place and yet we've ended up in such different ones.

I think, and mind you I only think, I envy those people who have lived in the same place all their lives. Who know how deep their roots go in that place. My life has never been like that. By the third grade, I was living in my third house, albeit all of them were in Calgary but in different areas, different school districts, different groups of friends. By the ninth grade, I was bunking for a while in my grandparents house, I started a new school, did a month and a half there and then moved to Jamaica where everything changed again. After I finished high school, in Jamaica, I went back to Calgary, then back to Jamaica, then to Toronto, then back to Jamaica, then back to Toronto, then here. It's been fun and there is very little of it I'd change given the chance but my roots don't belong to a place. Instead, they belong to my culture and my family. How would things be different if they belonged to a place? Or even, would things be any different? Maybe everything is preordained from before you are born.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Growth

View from my front door 2008

View from my front door 2010

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.