Rainforest Mommy

The Coolest Thing

2010-11-14T22:41:00.004-06:00

First let me apologize to my readers for not posting in so long. Life grabbed me by the throat and just keeps squeezing but I'll get into some of that another time.

Tonight, I just want to tell you all the coolest thing that has happened to me in a long while. Friday afternoon I went outside to feed the dogs. While they were eating I thought I'd take a look at my recently planted raspberry bushes to see how they were coming along. I was leaning over and just as I started to straighten up a toucan flew over my head and we bounced off of each other.

The toucan looked like the one in that picture. They nest in the trees around my house for a little while every year.

It was just too cool! It's now Sunday night and I am still grinning over it.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Arresting Views

2010-10-13T05:00:00.002-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Wordless Wednesday - Progression Into Uniform

2010-09-29T05:00:00.002-06:00

First Day Of School - We've kinda got the right colors going

Second Week Of School - We got the right uniform shirt now

Third Week Of School - We finally have the whole uniform happening

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Ready For A New Week

2010-09-16T09:47:00.000-06:00

I am completely hating this entire week and just want it to be over. Or better yet I wish it had never started.

Monday afternoon my brother was coming home from picking his daughter up at school. Just as he got into my mother's yard one of her puppies, her favorite one, Tess, ran under the wheels of the pickup and was killed. My mother, who rarely gets completely upset about the death of her animals is devastated.

Tess, a Blue Heeler, was only a few months old. She was actually a replacement, for lack of a better word, for another Blue Heeler my mother had bought from a breeder. We brought the first baby home late one afternoon and she was dead by the next day. She died of parvo, a virus that she should have been vaccinated against and would have been within the next day or so. So, when the breeder had another litter of pups my mother went and chose Tess.

She was a loving, friendly, little pup who always wanted to be as close to my mother as possible and thoroughly believed she belonged inside the house.

Yesterday, Wednesday, I took my female Rottweiler, Mia, to the vet because she was barely able to stand. Her back legs just wouldn't support her. When she did manage to get to a standing position she'd just sway and if she took a few steps she looked like she was drunk.

Last Thursday she was completely fine. Friday afternoon when I went out to feed the dogs she looked drunk and wouldn't lay one foot straight. Saturday she just seemed to really be favoring one foot although she barely ate her dinner. Sunday and Monday she didn't seem any better but she didn't seem any worse. I did notice her nails were really long and I trimmed them thinking that was why she wouldn't lay her foot down. Tuesday she was worse and by yesterday she was standing lean.

By time I got her from home to the vet, about 10 minutes away, she was breathing hard and twitching. Her eyes were also going back and forth. He said she was really suffering. He offered two courses of action, try and pump her up with antibiotics and see if that would bring her back or put her down. He held out little hope though that the antibiotics could or would be able to do anything for her except prolong her suffering. So, although my heart was breaking, I had her put down.

Mia came to me in a round about way. My older brother, Alex, bought her and my mother bought her brother but Alex's other female kept beating her up and Mia was always at my house. She only went home to eat and even then only some of the time. Eventually, I just bought her from Alex. I'm not overly fond of Rottweilers but she needed a safe home and she was always here anyway. But she was an ill-fated dog from the start. Absolutely everything that was passing by managed to get her. When there was a hurricane in the area and an old tree got knocked down a swarm of bees attacked her. Then there were fleas and whereas everyone else had a few that were easily gotten rid of she was absolutely covered from head to tail and it took a long time to get rid of them. Then it was ticks and she's always the worst for worms. No matter how many times I medicate her for intestinal worms she always had them. And she was never able to put on and keep on any weight. All in all, she was just a sickly dog no matter what I did for her.

So, while I am going to miss her and my heart is aching for my loss, I know she is in a better place and she's out of pain and bounding happily through meadows of grass playing with my other babies who have gone before.

Rest in peace Tess and Mia! We miss you both so much!

Sadly
-Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Because It Looks Cool

2010-09-08T05:00:00.001-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Homemade Soursop Ice Cream

2010-09-07T12:33:00.005-06:00

I made soursop ice cream on Saturday!

Last week one of my sisters-in-law told me she had a soursop from her tree that was ready. It was quite hard so I left it to sit on my counter for a few days. By Friday night it was getting soggy so I cut it open and scooped out all the yummy flesh and took out the seeds. This thing had about a million seeds. I mushed it all around and then added some condensed milk, a touch of lime juice and a little vanilla to it and put it all in the fridge.

Saturday I gave it to my mother to taste. Her first response was that it was too thick - I hadn't yet added the milk. Then she said I had to separate the trash from the flesh. When reading online that sounded like an easy enough task but it turned out not to be. I tried to squish it against the side of the colander but that lasted for about three seconds. Then I tried using my fingers to squeegy off the pulp but that lasted for about three pieces. Finally, I dumped some of it in the blender with some milk and pureed it. That thinned it out a bit but it still wouldn't go through the colander, so I added more milk. LOTS more milk.

Oops... wrong move because it diluted the taste too much. I've never been one for moderation when it comes to cooking, or in this case ice cream making.

Finally, though I got it all through the blender, through the colander, back through the blender, through the colander, through the blender again on whip to give it some air bubbles, then into some yogurt containers and into the freezer. After a few hours I went and stirred the half frozen ice cream and placed it back in the freezer.

Sunday I took my mother's share over to her. She said it needed more condensed milk but she likes things super sweet. My other sister-in-law, not the one I got the sweetsop from, said it tasted pretty good. Matthew and my niece liked it.

My conclusion is it tastes good but needs less milk next time and it would be much better if it was frozen in an ice cream maker. But all-in-al, homemade ice cream is totally the way to go!

What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? And do you prefer homemade or store bought?

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

* I forgot to take pictures. Soursop image is from Pokka.

To See The Future Or Not

2010-09-06T12:38:00.004-06:00

One day recently, my younger brother, Patrick and I were in the car. I asked him how he was doing and he said okay. I asked him why he was only okay. He said because he'd like to be able to see into the future.

Patrick, his wife Tanis and their daughter, recently moved to the rainforest so I think he's feeling very much at odds with things all the changes right now.

Anyway, I told him probably 90% of the population of the world would like to also be able to see into the future. He asked me if I am part of that 90%.

And you know what?

I said no. I told him I'm happy with my life right now. I have my son, my house and a good idea for a business. The only thing I'd like to change is I need to learn to manage my time better. Somehow, I have so many things to get done and everything is partially finished but nothing seems to get completely done. I mentioned this to my mother and she told me to concentrate on one project at a time so that's what I am going to do.

Project One - Finish as much as I can of the renovations to my house. This means buy the windows and get them installed. Fill the cracks in the floor, sand and varnish it. And sand and varnish the new deck between the two houses.

Project Two - Finish painting three signs that are at various points of completion.

Project Three - Expand my thought processes on the new business idea and get that in motion.

Project Four - Design and build the kitchen cabinets for the new house. (This project hasn't been started at all yet.)

Now that it's all written down like that it seems much easier to accomplish and less jumbled in my head.

So, are you part of the 90% or not?

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

We Survived!

2010-09-02T22:23:00.003-06:00

Hanging Out Before Heading Off To School

Yesterday, Matthew's first day of pre-school, was a success.

Arriving a few minutes early, I took him into his classroom and introduced him to his teachers. He was a bit hesitant at first but Miss Ava gave him a puzzle to do which settled him down. He immediately put all the pieces in and Miss Ashley told him how smart he was. (I always KNEW he was brilliant!) A few minutes after the second child arrived I told Matthew goodbye which set off the waterworks but I just kissed him and left. I hate when he is crying and I know the only thing I can do for him is leave.

When I picked him up two hours later he was all smiles, clutching a pack of cookies and wearing a bracelet he didn't have before. He said he had a good time but that he wasn't going back today. :-D

I'm Going To School Today

Today was a better. I didn't stay as long and there were no tears when I left. I did get excited squeals when I went back for him though.

As I've said before, Matthew is only going to go to school for two half days a week. I found out today that Fridays there is only a morning class made up of the three and four year olds. That class will have a total of 13 students in it so I've decided to make Fridays one of the days he goes. Currently, there are only three children in his class which makes the socialization experiment kinda meaningless. After all, to just have two children to play with he could stay home and play with my niece and nephew who also live on the property.

September 1, 2010 - Matthew's First Day of Pre-School

As for the teachers, they seem nice and Matthew says he likes them. I want to question them and have them tell me minute-by-minute what Matthew did while he was away from me but I'm not sure how well that would go over. It's quite frustrating having a child who doesn't speak in this instance. I ask him if he colored, he says yes. I ask him if he sang, he says yes. I ask him if he flew, he says yes. Somehow I don't think I'm getting the real answers out of him.

I think I should be asking questions but I don't know what questions to ask or what information to give about Matthew. I did let one of the teachers know that Matthew is not to get anything with red #40 or MSG in it but other than that I'm completely lost.

So, all you experienced mommies, what should I be asking the teachers at this point?

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Ablaze In The Darkness

2010-09-01T05:00:00.000-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

This...

2010-08-30T05:00:00.001-06:00

...walked across my house on Saturday.
Rainforest living is NOT for the faint of heart!

(At least I think it was one of these, a skink, not this one in particular. But whatever it was it was at least 12 inches long!)

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

* Pictures are from the Mongabay website.

I'm Distressed!

2010-08-28T12:21:00.000-06:00

I think I am going to die or cry or something!

I've just come back from enrolling Matthew in school!

Granted it's pre-school and he'll only go two half days a week and I keep telling myself it's a glorified daycare setting, it's still school with a curriculum and a uniform! And for two mornings (or afternoons - I'm not sure yet which class he'll be in) my baby will be away from me. Out of my sight. Doing things I'm not aware of. Learning, hopefully.

I'm distressed!

But because of Matthew's speech delay his pediatrician has recommended enrolling him in some form of social group with children his own age. And where we live this is the best solution but I hate, hate, hate, the whole idea of it! I mean, Matthew is only two and a half years old. He should be at home for at least another year and a half, right?

The only upside to any of this, other than the whole point of it that being with his peers might bring along his speech, is it's only two half days and if after a while it doesn't appear to be helping and he really hates it too I can always take him out. It's being paid for on a month by month basis so there is no obligation for him to keep going.

Yesterday, my mother, younger brother and his family and I went to Chetumal, Mexico for the day but because the adoption is still not finished Matthew is unable to leave the country. I left him at the babysitter's house with her many, many, brothers and sisters, there are twelve children in that family ranging from 20+ down to eleven months. We got back too late last night to pick Matthew up so I got him this morning. The babysitter says he had a great time, which Matthew agreed with. She says he played happily with all the children, didn't cause any trouble and SPOKE to the other children. Specifically, she says he said "want more" and "play" so maybe this is exactly what Matthew needs and maybe, I hope, he will really benefit from the experience.

But I am still distressed!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Eight Questions; Eight Answers

2010-08-26T05:00:00.000-06:00

Mommy's Nest posted these questions on her blog and invited her readers to answer them too.

1. Have you ever seen a ghost? If you have, what's the story behind it?
I've never seen a ghost but I have felt them many times. In my apartment in Toronto there were two of them. One had a evil aura about him and I often had nightmares whenever I felt him. The other was just the opposite and always made me feel calm.

2. What is your most embarrassing moment?
One time at a hotel I asked the guy at the front desk where I could find a fancy restaurant. He told me and then proceeded to explain where it was. After a while I piped up that I knew where it was and that I lived here. Everyone just gave me weird looks but in my defense after he told me the name and the general area where it was I knew exactly what he was talking about but still I should have just kept my mouth shut.

3. What was your best job and why?
I freelanced for a company in Markham, Ontario, for a few years off and on. I always loved working there because the camaraderie in the office was great.

4. What was your worst job and why?
I worked for my uncle for a while but I could never do enough or do anything good enough to suit him. I spent a lot of that year crying and was never so glad as when I finally quit.

5. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the $?
First I'd pay off my bills, then I'd immediately intensify my search for a baby girl to adopt. Then I'd share a portion of the money with my family and friends and invest the rest.

6. Have you met any celebrities? If you have, what's the story behind it?
I haven't really met any but living in Toronto I saw quite a few out and about. I saw Lou Diamond Phillips in the lobby of the Four Seasons, Adam Arkin and William H. Macy standing around while a scene was being shot for some movie or other, and Michael Douglas, Katherine Zeta Jones and Kurt Douglas when Michael and Katherine introduced Kurt before he did a reading from his book.

7. What is your favorite childhood memory?
One time my mother came home and told us if we were all in the car with the house clean in ten minutes we'd go to Edmonton for the day. (We were living in Calgary at the time.) We headed up and spent the rest of the day at West Edmonton Mall. When we left my mother decided she didn't want to drive home so we started looking for a hotel. It turned out Duran Duran was playing in the city that night and all the hotels and motels were completely full. Eventually my mother asked the receptionist if we could borrow some blankets and their bathroom and spend the night in the parking lot. The receptionist asked if it was for my mother and her husband but my mother said it was for her and her three children. The receptionist told my mother to hang on and when she came back she said the hotel was full but if we wanted to we could stay in the boardroom and that they'd bring in a cot for her and sleeping bags for us. So we did. It was great. In the morning my mother decided she didn't want to go home that day either so we ended up spending three days in Edmonton although that night we had a regular room.

8. What's your biggest regret?
My biggest, and only, regret is after my grandmother had her stroke I didn't get home in time to tell her goodbye in person before she died. This is only tempered by the fact I did speak to her on the phone after the stroke. She died on March 24, 1996, and I graduated from college that year and she wasn't there to see it. I guess that's really two regrets.

Feel free to play along and post your own answers if you'd like.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Roarrrrrrrr

2010-08-25T05:00:00.000-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Post It Note Tuesday - Let's Play!

2010-08-24T07:47:00.007-06:00

On a side note, no pun intended, Post It Note Tuesday is for sale over at SupahMommy. The person who buys this Meme will be helping a good cause because part of the proceeds will go to Jaden Duttine, Squeezing Out Childhood Cancer. Check out his story here: Jaden's Journey

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - You'd Think I Would Learn

2010-08-18T05:00:00.002-06:00

It's not showing up very well but yes, that's sever sunburn.

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Tasmanian Devil No More

2010-08-15T22:00:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago if someone had asked me to describe Matthew in one word I would have said "impossible". He was so manic all day long and half the night I was ready to tie him down to a chair or something. He honestly gave the term "bouncing off the walls" new meaning. He was no longer just bouncing, he was slamming into the walls repeatedly. It was horrible and somehow he was worse when we went out in public. Even my mother, who is usually much calmer than me, was at her wits end and told him she no longer enjoyed going out with him.

Then it finally dawned on me. He used to be like that, manic, bouncing off the walls and impossible to deal with and then someone commented that there was a lot of MSG in the ham on the pizza he was eating. I really started paying attention to the foods he was eating when we were out and had stopped giving him pizza altogether.

But slowly, I stopped thinking about it and the week leading up to the latest insanity he had pizza three times in a matter of four or five days. We were out a lot that week and it was something easy to grab on the go. Plus, I really like pizza.

I immediately stopped giving him pizza or any processed ham. I started reading the labels on everything I was buying (which is loads of fun as the packaging is often in Spanish and I don't speak Spanish). Within one day, Matthew was half as manic and within a few days he was behaving like a child again and no longer like a Tasmanian Devil.

So, there is a direct link between MSG and Matthew's ability to be focused and stay calm. Today, we went grocery shopping. Every single tin of Campbell's soup I picked up has MSG in it. So did most of the different tomato sauces I use to make dip for his tortilla chips. And so many other things we barely got any groceries. Thank God it's not in oatmeal or he'd really have a problem since that's his favorite thing to eat!

Are there any foods that send your children right over the edge?

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Mmmmmm Lunch!

2010-08-11T05:00:00.001-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

I'm So Excited!

2010-08-08T22:29:00.002-06:00

And I just can't hide it!

(Sorry, that song, and don't ask me the name of it or who sings it, just popped into my head.)

So, I'm really, super, excited. Late last year I bought a second house. It's a small wooden structure, 12 feet by 20 feet, and it's been sitting out here since December 12th. I'll always remember the date it got set up because it was my 35th birthday.

Maybe I need to explain all this. Please bear with me. Houses here are often wooden structures that are built offsite and then delivered when they are ready. My first house is 18 feet by 20 feet and it's one big room and the bathroom. When I first moved here and had this house built I lived alone and it worked out well. However, as Matthew has gotten bigger we've sort of outgrown the space. I'm really good at jigsaw puzzles and have managed to keep the house looking spacious with all our combined "stuff" but we just need more room.

So, I bought the second house. It was built by old style Mennonites who have no electricity and run their saw mill with horses. It's all very cool to see. After it was delivered though I hit a small financial snag and connecting it to the first house was put on hold for a while. That while is over.

I placed the second house at a 45 degree angle to the first one not really thinking about how much floor space that was going to put between the two houses. And then just because I like to be difficult I had the new house set two feet higher than the first one. (Actually that was so that I'd stop hitting my head when I went under the house.) In the end the front corners are about 4.5 feet apart but the back space is 20 feet wide. Basically, I've tripled my house size.

The first house will be divided into two bedrooms and the bathroom and the second house will be the kitchen and family room. The space between will eventually have a roof and grill to enclose the whole thing. More decks will also be added on to the front and back and possibly the side as time and money permit. I'm also going to start saving again to add one more house, again at a 45 degree angle to the second one, and the accompanying decks.

The construction of the deck should be finished tomorrow, weather permitting. I'll post pictures in the next few days.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Xunantunich Mayan Ruins

2010-08-04T05:00:00.000-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Will He Ever Have The Right Last Name?

2010-07-30T22:20:00.005-06:00

And now for the promised continuation of Matthew's Story...

Matthew is two and a half today. I have no idea where the time has gone or how we've managed to get this far. Before I know it my baby will be ready to start school and then he'll be be eighteen and he'll have one foot out the door and I wonder what his last name will be on that day.

Matthew and I on the water taxi last month

My beautiful boy playing with Play-Doh in June 2010

Today, his last name is still the wrong one. I mean he goes by my last name and he was Baptized with my name and even most of his medical records are in my last name but the one important piece of paper, his birth certificate, lists his name differently. Wrongly.

Matthew had the unfortunate luck of being born the day before an election. The day before my lawyer became a minister of something or other. I think it's finance. It took weeks of calling and asking the law firm to send me the release forms for the birth mother to sign. And then it took months before she would come back to town to sign them. (Apparently, she lives in a village in the middle of no where and she didn't want me coming there.)

Finally, they were signed and I stupidly thought things would progress smoothly from there. What could happen to cause any more problems? It was supposed to be a simple, straightforward, adoption.

I took the signed forms to the law office only to be told I'd now be dealing with my lawyer's daughter. Okay, no problem, she's a lawyer too. She looked over the papers, took my birth certificate, and asked me for my passport. It was weeks away from expiring so she said I'd have to renew it before we could continue. I dealt with that and got the new passport in July of '08.

That's when things really started going wrong. We called the law firm only to be told the lawyer no longer worked there. But how could that be since it was her father's law firm and his wife also worked there? Phone call upon phone call and finally we got hold of the wife, I think it was. By this point it was December. I went in and signed my name about a hundred million times and thought okay, this is it now. I also made arrangements to pay in installments. (Previously, we'd go in, get the work done and then get a bill and pay it but no longer.) By January 2009, I paid my final installment.

After that I couldn't get an answer from anyone. I'd email and call and get told, "We're working on it... We are going to go and talk to Human Development this week... We are waiting for this... We are waiting for that... We'll get back to you soon...."

I should have asked them if the cheque was in the mail, too.

Then I heard Human Development was claiming they hadn't received any of the files the law firm sent over. They were sent again. Then I was told my new lawyer, the daughter, was out of the country studying. Then she was back and working on it. Then my social worker told me she hadn't received the file. I told her the lawyers had sent them twice and low and behold they were "found".

Then in March of this year I was told I had to come in and sign all the papers again because they were outdated. So I printed out four copies of the 25 page document, signed them all and delivered them to the law firm. A week later I was told to come in to sign the papers again. I did that. Then it was a different daughter because the first one was still away studying and this one was here on vacation and trying to get this all done quickly so I could get Matthew a passport to take him with me to Jamaica before my aunt died. Needless to say it didn't get done.

Now it's July, the first daughter is back but she's working on her thesis and isn't going back to work until September so we are STILL waiting.

Oh yes, I spoke to her on the phone and so told me I'd have to come in to resign the papers because they are outdated. I swear I nearly lost it on her at that point. I told her I'd already signed the papers twice this year. Then she said okay then she's just waiting to get the report from Human Development. I told her she already has that in the file. Then she said it just had to be filed with the courts then. I told her that too had already been done according to her sister. So, finally she said she'd go into the office and take a look at the file and let me know. Surprise, surprise, I still haven't heard from her.

My mother, thinking she might have better luck than me, called the lawyer and asked her to see if she can hurry up and get this done but of course she got the runaround too.

Two and a half years and one simple, straightforward, UNCONTESTED, adoption can't get done yet. I have lost all patience and am willing to let my mother deal with things for a while because if I talk to any of them I'm going to scream.

I keep telling myself something my mother always tells me my grandmother used to say. "When yu han in lion mouth, yu have to tek time an tek it out." (When your hand is in the lion's mouth, you have to take time and take it out.)

All of this has to finish one day, right?

And to think, I am ready to start looking again to get my girl. God help me!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - My First Baby

2010-07-28T05:00:00.000-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Lost Day

2010-07-26T21:13:00.002-06:00

Another day completely wasted. Okay, maybe not completely but almost. Matthew and I woke up a little later than usual this morning. We started to get ready to head over to my mother's to help her pack up her living room. Just as we were about to start washing our faces the power went out - thankfully I keep a couple containers of water for just such occasions. We finished getting ready and left.

My younger brother, his wife and their daughter are moving here on Thursday so we were clearing space and putting down a mattress and stuff for them over at my mother's. We finished that and there was still no power. It went off at 8 a.m. and this was about 10 a.m. so my mother called the power company. Should I be worried that she knows the man there by name? She asked what was going on and when the power would be back. He answered that this was a power outage and it wouldn't be turned back on until 4 p.m.

That's from 8 in the morning!

How can they possibly turn off the power for eight straight hours? It's insane!

So, basically after we finished tidying the house we sat around and twiddled our thumbs for the rest of the day. Oh! Did I mention, it was raining and my older brother was on the road with the truck working so we had no transportation either?

Ahhhh... life in the rainforest.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Photoshop Fun

2010-07-21T05:00:00.000-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Matthew's Story

2010-07-19T22:15:00.000-06:00

Matthew, April 30, 2010, 2 years 3 months old

I chose single motherhood. I chose this child. This amazing little boy. My son. My heart. My love. And, yes, my stress.

Matthew is the answer to a prayer I've been praying since I was a little girl. I firmly believe God Himself gave me THIS boy. I've always wanted to be a mother. I always thought I'd be a great one, too. Maybe my belief in myself was too strong or maybe God wanted to knock me down a peg or two but I am not a great mother. I love my boy but I am impatient with him. I am impatient with life. I'm working on it though and with God's help and understanding I'll get better.

You see, Matthew is adopted, or rather he is in the process of being adopted. I despair that the adoption will ever be finished but that's a rant for my next post. For this one, let me tell you how Matthew and I came together.

Me and Matthew January 30, 2008 - He's yawning, not screaming - My little alien baby

When I was younger, I'd always say I was going to have a child by time I was 30, whether or not I was still single. But 30 came along and financially I was not able to support a baby. Time passed and things got better. Just after my 33rd birthday, I heard through a friend that there was a baby going to be born in late January or early February 2008 who was being given up for adoption. I spoke to the clinic doctors and was told there was another couple already in line for this child. I asked to be kept in mind regardless and was assured I would be.

For the next few weeks, every week, I'd call the technician at the clinic and ask if he had heard any news. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Hi. Sorry to bother you but any news on the baby?"
Tech: "No. No news, we are still waiting for the girl to come back in and you are not bothering me."

Finally, an appointment was made for me to meet the girl on January 31st. But God has a funny sense of humour because on January 30, 2008, at 10 a.m., my phone rang and woke me up. It was the technician saying, "she's here, she's in pain, the doctors aren't here, and now would be a good time for you to come and meet her and when you do, please take her to the hospital!"

I grabbed my mother, out of her sickbed, and the two of us flew to town. We got there at about 11 a.m. and by then the girl was at the hospital, the doctor from the clinic had shown up, the baby had been born and after about 15 or 20 minutes, although it seemed like much longer, he turned to me and asked, if I had any clothes for the baby? I told him I did and he told me to bring them. I got them from the car and at that point one of the nurses took pity on me and asked if I'd like to see him.

Outside of medical staff, I was the first person to touch him.

Matthew, 1 day old, in the sleeper I brought him home in. It was miles too big but having never met the birth mother I had no clue what size this child was going to be.

To this day, no one has said the words, "he is your son" but I brought him home the following day after the pediatrician released him from the hospital. Just before his first birthday, he crawled over to me, pulled himself up in front of my knees, looked at me, said, "Mama" and went back to his helicopter.

To be continued...

Hi and Kisses

2010-07-17T08:59:00.002-06:00

In the last few months, Matthew has started blowing kisses and waving hello many, many, many, times a day. It's the strangest thing but it seems to offer him comfort of some sort. He'll be sitting there drinking his milk and suddenly stop and blow me a kiss. I blow one back and then we wave at each other.

Or just now, for example, I sent him to the potty. He said, "Yeah! Yeah!" Nodded vigorously, took a step, turned back, blew me a kiss, waved and then went pee. It's got to be one of the cutest things ever!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Questioning...

2010-07-16T09:42:00.002-06:00

There are but two lasting bequests we can give our children;
The first is roots, the last wings.

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you had done something differently in your past? Or if you had not done something? If you had just made a different decision?

Those are the questions that have been plaguing my mind the last few weeks. Where would I be had I not left Calgary? Had I not moved to Jamaica? Had I stayed in Toronto rather than moving to the rainforest?

And maybe more than that, what would or could have happened if things had worked out with this person or that person? Would I still be single? Would I be married or happily shacked up - because I don't really see myself ever being married - or worse, would I be divorced?

Don't get me wrong, I like my life. I'm happy. But what would be different? It's like one of those choose your own ending books I loved as a child. Go to page seven the story turns out one way but go to page eleven and it turns out completely different.

You may be wondering if I am so happy with my life why I have all these questions. It is solely to do with Facebook. I love the reconnection that site allows people. I've gotten back in contact with a girl who was my best friend in elementary school, I've reconnected with a teacher who had a great impact on my life, someone who made a lonely girl less lonely, and Facebook makes it very easy to keep in some form of daily contact with family members who live in other places. But the down side I'm finding is that I get glimpses of other people's lives, people from my past, and I wonder what their life is like now. We started out in the same place and yet we've ended up in such different ones.

I think, and mind you I only think, I envy those people who have lived in the same place all their lives. Who know how deep their roots go in that place. My life has never been like that. By the third grade, I was living in my third house, albeit all of them were in Calgary but in different areas, different school districts, different groups of friends. By the ninth grade, I was bunking for a while in my grandparents house, I started a new school, did a month and a half there and then moved to Jamaica where everything changed again. After I finished high school, in Jamaica, I went back to Calgary, then back to Jamaica, then to Toronto, then back to Jamaica, then back to Toronto, then here. It's been fun and there is very little of it I'd change given the chance but my roots don't belong to a place. Instead, they belong to my culture and my family. How would things be different if they belonged to a place? Or even, would things be any different? Maybe everything is preordained from before you are born.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Growth

2010-07-14T05:00:00.001-06:00

View from my front door 2008

View from my front door 2010

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Fun and Games

2010-07-11T21:35:00.003-06:00

Life has been complete fun out here this weekend. We've been hit with a lot of rain and for some strange reason, almost every time it starts to really pour the power goes off. My mother called the electric company and they gave her some cock and bull story. What this means is the power will go off and come on many times for the day. One day it did it seven times.

She also commented that every time the power comes back on the meter rolls forward a little. The person's suggestion for that was to turn off the central power to the property off and when we see power come back to turn it back on. That might be a solution if we lived in town and could see when the neighbors power came back on but since we live in the jungle, it's not really an option.

The constant on and off with the power is playing havoc with my stuff though. It's gotten to the point where I have almost everything in the house unplugged and only plug it in when I need it. I realize that is a good thing as far as the environment is concerned but it's a pain to have to crawl behind furniture every time I need to use something.

We also spent one day and two nights without water. I can live without power but I have the hardest time functioning without water. Somehow the main water supply got turned off so unknowingly we used all the water in our two vats which left them dry and the pumps running consequently the motor in one of the pumps burned out. $1800 and a new pump later we got water again.

And because the fun just never stops around here, now there appears to be a leak somewhere after the second vat and pump so that pump is constantly running. I'm sure the leak will be found tomorrow but in the meantime the pump has been turned off to keep it from burning out which means even though there is water I don't have access to it. Well, I can call my mother and she can turn the pump on so I can get water but then it's turned off again and all in all it's just been a fun weekend.

Thank God for Monday! :-D

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Jumbled Thoughts

2010-07-08T22:11:00.002-06:00

• "Analness"
I'm really anal. I know this. I admit it. And more importantly, I embrace it!

My friend, Lisa, over at This, That And The Other Thing, can tell you stories about me. She'd likely tell you about the time, in college, I lined up all my thumbtacks, down the edge of my cork board, separated by color.

Each night I put all of Matthew's toys away. Each toy has it's own place. Matthew is getting really good at knowing where each toy belongs, much to my delight. This is what my fridge looks like when I am done each evening, and Matthew usually pulls off at least half these letters each day.

• Ants
Some days I really hate living here. Yesterday and today were two of those days. Wednesday evening, Matthew and I went outside to feed the dogs and do some light yard work. We were weeding a series of pots that I'm growing bougainvillea in when Matthew started screaming. He had stepped in an ants nest and the little, black, pests were swarming up his bare legs. I grabbed him up immediately and set him down a few feet away. I brushed off as many ants as I could and then stripped him naked and hosed him down.

Last night, Matthew woke up crying three hours after falling asleep. He was rubbing his hands and feet against the sheets and repeatedly getting doggy, his stuffed animal, to kiss the owies.

This is what my poor baby's feet looked like today. His hands aren't as bad but doggy is still on kissing duty.

• Brutus
Brutus is now two weeks and one day old. His eyes opened today and he weighs a pound and a half. He's a sweet little dog but I think he's lonely. He doesn't make half as much noise as he did when Monster was with him. I feel sorry for him but Matthew and I talk and play with him as much as we can.

• Bland Food
Ever since Matthew started eating solid foods he's clamped his mouth shut or turned his face if he thought something was too bland. I ended up throwing away a few bottles of Baby Mac and Cheese I had made for him because he just refused to eat it.

He's also a difficult eater. He's not overly picky but he takes forever to get through a meal. He chews EVERYTHING what feels like 100 times before he'll swallow it. And when I say everything, I really mean it. He recently chewed his soup before swallowing it.

But I've finally figured him out. I mean, I've always known about the bland issues, but Matthew is totally into being able to dip things. He refused to eat french fries for the longest time until he discovered a little over a month ago that fries dipped in plum sauce are amazing. (The plum sauce was really for his chicken fingers.) Then my mother introduced him to ketchup. And last night, he wolfed down his fish as he dipped it in Tzatziki Sauce.

• Really Fresh Fruit
One of the things I love most about living here is eating a fruit, planting the seed and watching the seedling grow. Some years ago I ate a sweet sop. Today, I ate the first sweet sop from the tree I started.

This is the year where things are really going to start happening for me in the fruit department. My sweet sop tree has born one fruit so far, my pomegranate tree has about 6 or 8 fruits on it in various stages of growth but none ripe yet, my orange tree has some small oranges on it and my otaheite apple tree is bearing for the third time.

There is something to be said for walking out the door and picking a fruit straight off the tree and eating it. Now if I can only convince the surinam cherry tree to produce more than two cherries at a time Matthew and I could have a fruit salad!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Tropical Storm Alex's Destruction

2010-07-07T07:59:00.003-06:00

Missed the stairs to my house by inches.

Two previous breaks to the same tree.

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Loss

2010-07-03T22:28:00.004-06:00

Monster Fast Asleep_July 1, 2010

Today was a horrible day. The two rottweiler puppies I'm hand raising woke me at 5 a.m. I fed them their breakfast and settled them. I got back into bed hoping for a few more hours sleep but the little one, Monster, kept whining and whining. He hadn't really eaten anything so I started over with him to see if he was now ready for his milk. He again turned his face so I put him back in his bed and tried to go to my bed. He started whining again. So I scratched his ears and back. That settled him and he went to sleep. Less than five minutes later though, he started again. I scratched some more and offered him the bottle again.

This went on for nearly two hours. I tried everything I could think of to settle him down. I warmed his rice bag in the microwave. I gave him some gripe water. I repeatedly offered him the bottle. Nothing really worked but he eventually settled a little.

By 10 a.m. he was getting worse and worse so I took him to the vet. He thought he might have an infection because his tail hadn't dropped off yet. He cut it off, which I was very grateful for because that part just grosses me out, gave him an antibiotic and vitamin supplements and we came home. Throughout the afternoon he just got weaker and weaker. He tried sucking his milk but didn't have the strength. I tried the eye dropper that had worked before with him and I gave him his antibiotic. I even mixed up a new formula that I read about online but that didn't interest him either.

Monster died this evening.

Last week when his brother's and sisters died it was sad but I just buried them and moved on. This time it was so different because he was in the house, living beside my bed. I talked to him and rubbed him and played with him. This time it hurts.

Thank God there is one last puppy here to occupy my mind. Brutus is a fat, greedy, little boy.

Cheers :-(
- Rainforest Mommy

Yeah! My First Blog Award! - The Versatile Blogger Award

2010-07-02T22:20:00.003-06:00

Lisa Day, from This, That and The Other Thing, has awarded me my first blog award for this blog. Thank you so much Lisa for this honour!

The rules that go along with this award are:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along to bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for whatever reason.

1. Thanks Lisa. You've really made my week by giving me this award.

2. I always have a hard time thinking of things about myself but here goes...

- I am totally impulsive when it comes to moving. I moved from Canada to the Rainforest based on a split second decision. I move back to Canada from Jamaica without ever really making a firm decision.

- Among my many, many, many, animals my heart still belongs to Topanga, my cat. I got her when she was 8 weeks old from the Toronto Humane Society. She's now 12 years old and when I moved, she moved.

- I cry at sappy movies. Oh, who am I kidding, I cry at sappy commercials!

- I'm not married and I don't really want to be but I would definitely live with someone if I found him.

- My favorite food is white, cream, clam sauce. Yes, I realize it's a sauce but I'd eat it on bread if there was nothing else. Or better yet, I'd like just a big bowl of it plain.

- I love all four seasons which begs the question why I'd voluntarily live in a country that only has two, hot and rain.

- My favorite color is blue. I buy candy if it's blue just because it's blue. I eat the blue Smarties (the Canadian candy coated chocolate kind) last. If someone is giving me something, anything, and I have the choice, I'll choose the blue one. This begs another question, why did I choose to paint the outside of my house yellow?

3. Passing this award on to the following bloggers...

- Fourth Grade Nothing

- Pretty Shiny Things

- Monkey Butt Junction

- Living With Chronic Illness

- The Practical Mom Guide

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - The Pussy Cat and the Parrot

2010-06-30T05:00:00.000-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Exhaustion Has Set In

2010-06-28T22:02:00.003-06:00

When I decided to hand raise Mia's remain two puppies I knew it was going to mean being woken in the middle of the night for feedings but after just three days and three nights I am completely wiped. I don't know how I am going to manage to keep doing this for the next however many weeks before they start eating on their own. I did read online though that after a few weeks, two I think it was, they might start sleeping through the middle of the night feeding. I live in hope!

It doesn't help that Matthew and I are continuing with out nightly battles for sleep. Friday night/Saturday morning the puppies woke me at 3:30. I fed them and went back to sleep only to have Matthew wake me at 4 a.m. That was the end of sleep for that night.

They are really cute though. (I have pictures but I'll have to post them tomorrow since I haven't downloaded them yet.) My mother named the larger one Brutus and I named the smaller one Monster. I have every intention of selling them once they are old enough but I figured I had to call them something in the mean time.

Well, I am going to go to bed and try to get a few hours of sleep before we start again.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Mia

2010-06-24T21:12:00.005-06:00

It's been a good and a bad week. I posted that Sadie, my mastiff cross, had six puppies on Monday. All six are doing well and getting big and fat.

Mia, my rottweiler, also had six puppies. Hers were born on Wednesday. Three girls and three boys. By Wednesday night, one of them was dead. As of this posting, she is down to only two still alive.

Mia came to me by way of my brother. His other female kept beating up on her and she was spending all her time at my house. She'd only go home in time for dinner and even then not always. Finally, I just bought her. I felt so sorry for her because she was always covered in cuts. She is much happier here, I think.

She's never been an overly healthy dog, though. Every single thing going by catches her. First it was a swarm of bees. The poor girl was nearly stung to death but we pulled through. Then it was ants. We kept spraying for them but somehow they just kept coming back and attacking her feet. It took about a week but we finally got rid of them. It took another week for her poor feet to heal. Then it was fleas, then fleas again and right now we are at the beginning of another flea attack. I tried everything on the market to get rid of them and in the end soap and water was the best thing. And no matter how much I feed her or what I feed her she cannot put on weight and keep it on.

This is Mia's second litter. The first time she looked like she was going to have one or two puppies and she ended up having ten. Within days all ten were dead. I waited over a year and really tried to build her up before breeding her again. This time she looked good. She was a good size and everything went smoothly but in the end she's just not a good mother. She doesn't seem to be taking care of them. They are dirty and when I try to get her to clean them she just turns her head. She lays still and lets them eat though and has stayed with them except for dinnertime.

I won't be breeding her again after this. Tomorrow, if any of them are still alive, I'm going to get a baby bottle and some puppy milk and try raising them myself.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Don't Ask... I Just Like The Composition

2010-06-23T07:30:00.000-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

New Loves

2010-06-22T09:31:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, one of my dogs, Sadie, had six puppies. I didn't think one of them was going to still be alive this morning because he seemed very weak and she didn't seem interested in him but he's still there this morning. We'll see.

Sadie is a mastiff crossed with mutt. She looks like a mastiff and has the temperament of one but she's small. I think out of all my dogs I love her the best but that's likely because she is the calmest of the lot. She rarely barks. She doesn't jump and bounce at dinner time. And she tends to lay still and watch the world go by. A casual observer would think she is the dog least likely to cause trouble if they walked into my yard. That is so not the case.

When someone comes into the yard she is the one I grab first because she truly believes no one should be allowed to get near me. One night, some time ago, the police came out in the middle of the night - there was someone walking around on the property setting off all the dogs so we called the police. I went outside and while my other dogs circled the police car so no one could get out of it, Sadie sat by my side with this almost inaudible growl and a look that said, "I dare you to get near my person."

On a side note: Matthew has a new word... dis. I think he picked it up from his cousin but for the last two days he has walked around saying, dis, dis, dis, and pointing at things. It's very cute.

City Girl Meets Rainforest

2010-06-20T21:37:00.004-06:00

I'm a city girl. I love the hustle and bustle of living in a large, metropolitan, city. Toronto was a great place to live, to play, to work. I spent uncountable hours wandering around the Royal Ontario Museum and the Art Gallery of Ontario. One of my favorite things to do was walk down to the lake front near High Park, walk, or rollerblade, along the Martin Goodman Trail to The Beaches on the east side of the city. I did that often. Life was good and full and fun.

Now, I live in a rainforest. There are no museums, no art galleries, no coffee houses, no trail that connects a whole city. How is it I came to live here, you may be wondering?

Seven years ago, my mother and brothers were looking at islands to move to from Jamaica. I commented that if they moved to another island I would never move there. One of my mother's dreams is to have her three children and our families living close to her. My mother told my brother to start looking at mainland instead of an island. The catch though was that that mainland had to be in the Caribbean. And one last requirement for everyone involved was the country had to be English speaking.

Plans were made for the rest of the family to visit here for a week but I wasn't initially included because my mother said I was never really going to leave Canada anyway. I had no intention of ever leaving Canada, she was right, but I was itching to go on vacation and what's better than a vacation that someone else is paying for?

My first impression when I got off the plane was, "No way in hell was I moving here." We drove practically the entire country in that week and my impression remained the same, nice country, can't wait to go home. That is until we drove west. We started climbing the hills, things turned green and lush and someone using my voice and mouth piped up, "Oh. This could work." No one in the car was more shocked than I to hear those words come out of my mouth.

Anyway, the vacation ended and everyone went home. That was in May 2003. By the last week of August I was here. I absolutely hated every breath I took the first year. I promised my mother I'd stay for one year and then I'd go home. But, when the first year ended I didn't leave. During the second year we bought our land and got out of town living. Things improved drastically within days. Now my nearest neighbor is half a mile away. The only artificial lights I see at night are the sensor lights on our houses and the flame from the oil refinery about twelve miles away.

I love the nights here. There are more stars in the sky than anyone could ever count. The night music as that of crickets and frogs. When there is a full moon, I can see everything inside and out and when there is no moon, it's as black as pitch. Some nights I go outside just to stare at the heavens and wonder at the hugeness of the universe.

There is a peace here that I can't explain. My life has changed. I have changed. Maybe I'm no longer the "city girl" I proclaim myself to be. Now my days are filled with a laughing, bouncing, little boy. Lots of dogs. Every kind of animal. Painting, networking and marketing online. Planting and waiting for rain.

Life is good and full and fun.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Relief

2010-06-17T10:51:00.002-06:00

A bit delayed but here are the doctor's answers to Matthew's three issues.

1. Matthew's sleep patterns are pretty normal for a two year old since he usually gets between 7 and 10 hours of sleep a day the doctor isn't worried. He says because Matthew has been doing this wake up in the middle of the night thing for so long it's now what he considers normal. His suggestion is to move Matthew's bedtime to 9 p.m. instead of 7 p.m. to hopefully have him so exhausted he'll sleep through the night or at least sleep through the times I want to be asleep. He called it "sleep starving".

At least he didn't prescribe Benadryl, chamomile tea, Ovaltine, or sleeping pills.

2. This doctor, too, has decided Matthew's leg pains are growing pains. The doctor asked if there were other symptoms like swelling, fever, weight loss, etc. I answered no to everything on his list so he's determined it's growing pains and the only thing to do is massage them with Bengay. And if the pain gets too bad to give him Tylenol.

3. The doctor says because Matthew listens and can follow two and three step instructions, for example, go over there, get the green shoes and bring them to me, he, the doctor, is not worried about the lack of speech. He says language is more than just talking. He thinks the talking will come eventually. He also thought Matthew might be autistic but once he examined him he ruled that out completely because Matthew engaged with him well and had good eye contact and did what the doctor asked easily, i.e. lay down, open your mouth, etc. (I was particularly impressed with this diagnosis because I hadn't even mentioned the word autism and in the past with some of the other doctors if I didn't question something specifically it wouldn't be brought up at all.)

The doctor does want Matthew to have a hearing test because he says maybe he's not hearing all the levels of sound which is why he's not repeating them. If I say to Matthew "say moo like the cow" he repeats boo. However, there are NO doctors here who can administer a hearing test so we will have to continue to wait until I can get him a passport so I can take him out of the country.

There is an outside chance, however, that a doctor is coming here in September/October/November, somewhere around there, to do hearing tests on infants. The doctor says if I still haven't gotten Matthew's papers by then he'll try and get Matthew on the list to be seen by this other doctor.

As an added bonus of this pretty awesome doctor visit, the doctor also charted Matthew's weight, height and head size and Matthew is sitting firmly on the 50% line for all three. According to the doctor, I am doing something right because Matthew is so perfectly healthy. Yeah for me! And even bigger yeah for Matthew!

All in all, I am pretty relieved!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - Early Morning Fog

2010-06-15T23:10:00.000-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts visit my other blog CoconutPalmDesigns or go to Wordless Wednesday.

Trepidation

2010-06-13T20:55:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow I am taking Matthew to a new pediatrician in the city. Well, he's not a new pediatrician really, just new to us. He used to work in Jamaica where he delivered two of my nieces and my brother and cousin think he is just the greatest thing in the world.

I am hoping he can shed some light on a few issues Matthew has.

1. Matthew doesn't sleep. He's never been a good sleeper. As an infant I'd lay him down for a nap and an hour later he would still be laying there staring at the ceiling. More recently, he sleeps in five hour stretches. So, I put him down for the night at 7 p.m. and by midnight he's up again. He'll stay up for two and a half hours or more before finally settling back down and sleeping for another five hours. This has made for some very cranky days and nights.

Some nights he drops right off to sleep and other's he'll bounce for anywhere from one to three hours before finally allowing himself to go to sleep. And he'll purposely shake himself awake over and over again. I've tried everything. He has the same bedtime routine, the alarm goes off at the same time every morning, he rarely gets sugar and when he does it's usually at lunch or before so he has lots of time to burn off the energy. I've tried to get him to sleep with the lights on, the lights off, TV or other noise maker on but not where he can see it, or as silent as it's possible to be with eleven dogs and living in a rainforest. I've tried totally bundled up and barely anything on. Fan on. Fan off. I think you get the idea. Nothing works. When Matthew decides he's not going to sleep he just won't.

I've taken him to other doctors and their solutions were, give him Benadryl. That didn't work, it only made him more hyper. Give him chamomile tea. That didn't work, he only fussed over drinking his milk. Give him Ovaltine. Well, I didn't try that. And if all of the above doesn't work we can try child strength barbiturates. Gee... um... thanks but... um... no. I am not going to give my two year old child strength sleeping pills. The Benadryl was bad enough and I only broke down and tried that after nearly a month of not sleeping. Those were the days before the five hour stretches where he'd sleep until just after I went to bed and then he'd be up for the rest of the night. After over a month of getting one and two hours of sleep a night I was almost willing to try anything.

So, we are going to see what the doctor thinks.

2. Matthew often wakes up crying and tells me his legs hurt. Now, Matthew is a hypochondriac. This is a fact. An ant bite a month later is still worthy of being commiserated over, according to him. Often, I don't think his legs are hurting and I'll rub them for literally two swipes of my hand, ask him if they feel better and he'll tell me yes and sometimes he'll settle back into sleep. More often that's it, he's up. Sometimes though, I think they really are hurting him and only massaging them for upwards of fifteen minutes will settle him down. I don't mind massaging them but there has to be something more that can be done so they don't hurt him in the first place.

Again, I took him to the doctor and asked if he thought it might be restless leg syndrome. The immediate answer was, "No, it's just his muscles after he's had a busy day." Okay, I can buy that, I guess, but wouldn't it be better to examine him before coming to that conclusion?

3. Matthew doesn't speak. He's nearly two and a half and it's only in the last month that he's started saying "mama" and "mom". He also says, "yeah" but as I don't say that and no one he's around says it I am thinking it's his version of "yes".

I wasn't/am not particularly worried about this for a number of reasons. a) Matthew has done nothing early except sit up. (See number one for the reason to early sitting. Don't want to sleep, then let's sit.) b) He has said words in the past. Three examples: He called me "mama" just before his first birthday. He said "webra" while looking at a zebra shortly after that. He's copied his cousin and said "da" when my brother walked in the house. c) He has exceptional hearing and will get excited about the airplane or helicopter he hears coming thirty seconds before I, or anyone around us, hear it coming. He can also distinguish between the helicopter and the airplane and if I tell him the wrong one is coming he gives me a look like I should know better. d) Not that is really has anything to do with speech but it's one of the senses, he has amazing eyesight. He once pointed to a dead beetle, laying on it's back, with it's brown belly up, on the brown wooden floor... in the dark.

But, Matthew does communicate. He has a number of signs he does, water, please, thank you and then there are the points and grunts.

Anyway, I am partially freaking out that the doctor is going to tell me something horrible is wrong with him and partially totally calm.

We've been here before, my boy and me, and it turned out fine the first time, but that is a post for another day.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Spinning Out Of Control

2010-06-12T22:31:00.005-06:00

Wow! This week just spun right out of control. It started out okay, a little busier than I'd like with activities not in my self-imposed schedule. Running errands Monday, grooming the horses Tuesday, spraying for ticks and fleas and giving heartworm and wormer medicine to the horses and dogs on Wednesday. But in all of that I still managed to get some marketing done, post on my blogs, do some designing, etc.

Matthew had his first horse ride on Tuesday. (Although this picture was taken Wednesday.)

And then everything got crazy. Thursday my mother asked me to go with her to the cayes to help do some of her work. Matthew and I had a good time. We got to drive a golf cart, the main mode of transport on the cayes, we had croissants for breakfast and a turkey, avocado, cranberry, wrap for lunch. We finished work and had some time before we had to catch the water taxi back to the mainland so Matthew played at the beach for a few hours. He had a blast but this little monkey of mine would turn anything into a truck. He knelt in front of a beach chair, piled sand on it and then used a coke bottle to push the sand off. By time we got home we were both totally exhausted.

My little sand baby.

Friday I spent the entire day designing a Personalized Name Sign for a customer. I was so engrossed I didn't even check my email until after ten that night. I live and breath by my emails so that's really saying something.

Today, we took five bunnies to town to give away. They were born while my mother was away and I kinda forgot all about taking them to sell when they were ready. By today they were too big to sell, as people usually only want little ones. It took about 5 minutes to find people to take them. One person even wanted to have the cage they were in. After that we ran some errands and had bar-b-cue chicken for lunch.

Fur baby.

I'm really glad the week is over but this coming week is shaping up to be even crazier. So much for tranquility in the rainforest.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - A Trip To The Zoo

2010-06-09T08:44:00.005-06:00

To see more Wordless Wednesday posts please click here.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

He Dances

2010-06-08T21:34:00.008-06:00

I am sitting here working. Marketing. Which I am not very good at but I keep trying. Matthew is listening to his music player. He stands in front of me and presses the buttons. The music comes on. He starts to dance. He laughs as he dances. He practices jumping as part of his dance. His laughter is infectious and I laugh. I pause in my work to just watch him.

He is splendid!

I am happy!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

A New, HATED, Reality

2010-06-07T23:09:00.003-06:00

Paulette (Auntie P)

April 19th was one of the saddest, hardest, days of my life. April 19th is the day my wonderful, beautiful, amazing, Aunt passed from this world to go and be with her God.

I hadn't seen Auntie P in about five years but I spoke to her on the phone and often shouted messages to her while she and my mother were speaking. Usually, my shout would be, "Hi, Auntie P!" And in the distance, I'd hear her reply, "Hi, Darling!" I think the only time she didn't call me Darling was when she was angry at me, which thankfully wasn't often.

Before my mother moved here and I would visit Jamaica, wherever I saw Auntie P, the office, her house, Church, etc., I'd say to her, "Auntie P, I need a hug." And no matter what she was doing she'd immediately stop and give me a hug. And boy oh boy, did she know how to give a good hug. I miss those hugs now.

Paulette, Nadine

March 15th, Auntie P was diagnosed with cancer. By the beginning of April the family was being called home to say goodbye. After a lot of hassles and headaches, I finally had no choice but to leave Matthew with the babysitters here because I was unable to get him a passport. I arrived in Jamaica on April 16th. I spoke to her. I told her how much I love her. She gave me one last hug. I like to think she waited for me to get there. And surrounded by her husband, her children, my mother, two friends of the family and myself, she left us at 9:55 pm on April 19, 2010.

My cousins have been troupers. Their "North Star" is gone and they are fighting a good fight. So when I read or hear people telling them stupid things like, "Be a big girl!" or "You have to be strong!" I want to just slap those people. To steal a line from one of my cousins, why should [they] be strong when [they aren't]?

I think sometimes people don't know what to say so they say stupid things but sometimes people are just stupid, too. If your heart is shattered into a million pieces then you have the right to cry and scream and rage. That is your right. If your heart feels like it will never mend and breaking a few plates is going to help, then go smash them into dust. If your world has been turned upside down and shaken and the only thing that is going to help is to tell the world to F off, then do it.

And when nothing else is working and you don't think anyone understands, then go outside and rage at God. He has broad shoulders, He can handle it and most importantly He will understand.

I miss you, Auntie P!

I HATE this new reality!

My heart breaks daily for all the time we won't get to spend together, for the fact that she will never meet my son and for all the years I will have to wait before I can finally say again, "Auntie P, I need a hug."

Please, readers, go and hug someone you love right now and tell them you love them because one day it will be too late.

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Does It Really Matter?

2010-06-06T20:04:00.004-06:00

I've been stewing all weekend about a comment my brother made on Saturday. According to him, Matthew should have been a girl.

Why would a loving brother say something like that about his nephew AND his Godson, you ask?

Simply, because I prefer Matthew's hair to be cut in a bowl cut style.

Matthew's hair is dead straight. It grows in a twirl around the crown of his head. It's super thick. And as far as I am concerned the style suits him.

This is how I comb it when it's wet.

And this is what it does the second it dries.

Last night, as I sat here stewing I did a little research. It would seem the bowl cut has been around forever and in-numerous parents have bestowed their offspring with this style. My brother has been making comments about Matthew's hair all along and it doesn't matter to him that many people have said, "My father/brother/son/uncle/nephew/friend had that same haircut when he was Matthew's age. It's a typical, classic, little boy hairstyle."

Matthew is two years old. Does it really matter what hairstyle he has at this point in life? Is he going to be scarred for life because I prefer to leave his hair a little long? Will he grow up and hate me for doing this to him?

To all three questions, I am going to have to answer no. And at the end of the day, I like it and isn't that what matters most right now?

So I say, to everyone who doesn't like my choices for my son, it is just too bad for you!

Has anyone said anything to you recently that you just need to get off your chest? Tell me here!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Friday Night Blues

2010-06-04T21:42:00.004-06:00

It's Friday night and here I sit, on my bed, with my laptop in my lap, writing a post for my blog. Does anyone see a problem with this? Could it be that I am home on yet another Friday night? Alone! Well Matthew's here but he's supposed to be sleeping. I hear him shifting around so I think he's likely up but that's par for the course with us. The whole Matthew and sleep or non-sleep, as the case usually is, is another post though.

So here's the current problem, the way I see it. I live part way between two towns. The closest of those towns is at least a 20 minute drive. So, say I take Matthew to the babysitter, get all dressed up, drive the 20 minutes to the town, then what? There is nothing to do unless I am into the bar scene which I'm not and have never been.

I could drive 30 minutes or so the other direction, get to the other town and again, go sit in a bar. But suppose I was feeling very adventurous. I could drive an hour to a large city where I could go to a movie but who wants to spend two hours driving to see a two hour movie? That could make for a long night and a really late one. I imagine there must be other things to do in the city on a Friday night but really it would work out too expensive, with the babysitter (and an overnight stay at that), gas and whatever it was I did.

Oh well, it's a good thing Matthew, the farm, and all the animals tired me out during the day. It's 10:30 pm and I am ready to go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day and my mother is coming home after being in Jamaica for two months!

Matthew and I can't wait to see her!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

A Change In Plans

2010-06-03T20:35:00.003-06:00

Todays post was going to be about my history and how I came to be living in a rainforest but I since it's exactly that, history, it'll keep for another post, another day.

Instead I'm going to share some sad news. The beautiful, long awaited for filly from yesterday's Wordless Wednesday post, died yesterday afternoon. She was born Tuesday morning.

Arizona came to us already pregnant. I was dying to see this foal. To get to know it. And most importantly to let my son get to know it. My mother, Matthew and I often went down to the pasture to just talk to the horses. To take them a treat and scratch their ears and rub Ari's belly. And the worst part is that my mother is in Jamaica until Saturday so she didn't even get to see the baby.

I suppose if she was going to die it's better that it happened right away rather than after we all fell in love with her but still it's a dashed hope.

Rest in peace, sweet girl!

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Wordless Wednesday: The Newest Member of the Family

2010-06-02T09:35:00.002-06:00

Cheers :-)
- Rainforest Mommy

Random Food Thoughts

2010-05-31T15:49:00.004-06:00

Is it too early for me to post random thoughts on this blog? Perhaps it's just the right time since it's so new? Whichever way though that's what I am posting today.

Matthew and I went to the feed mill this afternoon to get various animal foods. They were out of rabbit food so we bought cattle pellets instead. Did you know that rabbits supposedly will eat cattle pellets? We'll see. Then we asked for puppy food. They didn't have any. Last week we asked for sunflower seeds. They didn't have any. Is anyone seeing a trend here? I commented to one of the guys that works there that there has to be something wrong with a feed mill that doesn't have any feed.

I really hate to cook rice. Actually I really hate to cook period but somehow rice is worse. I always have to look up the directions online. I've even bookmarked the page so I can see it easily. I follow the directions and the rice never turns out the way it's supposed to. I miss my Uncle Ben's Instant Rice.

I boiled up some vegetable scraps, chicken skin and various other stuff today to add to my dogs bowls tonight. It smells better than the stock/soup I made last week. I say stock/soup because it wasn't really either of those. Too thick for stock and too lacking in stuff for soup. My soups never turn out right but at least they taste good.

Matthew and I came home from running errands this afternoon and we got a great surprise. There were TWO, count them one, two, cherries on the Surinam cherry tree. What kind of tree produces only two fruits at a time? Sad.

But the day is not a total loss. While it's true the rice is sticky it will be covered in a nice curry chicken with lots of gravy... if I can figure out how to make it.

Cheers :-)
Joanne
- Rainforest Mommy

Strange Happening

2010-05-30T20:08:00.003-06:00

This morning started out like a regular Sunday morning. Matthew and I woke up, got dressed and went to Church.

Copying me, Matthew genuflected before entering the pew - he's just recently started doing this and it's just the cutest thing. I said the Our Father with him and put him to sit. I said my prayers and sat beside him. We waited a little while then one of the other parishioners went up to the lectern and announced that no priest was there to say the mass.

Our regular priest has been in the U.S. for some time now so the Bishop and two other priests have been rotating and saying mass. Today, we were to have the Bishop but for some reason he didn't arrive and there was no one else available.

So, we had what they called a Communion Service. A gentleman who often helps serve communion read the mass, we had the readings, the gentleman read the gospel and blessed the communion. We sang a few songs throughout, said the final prayers, different people read the announcements and it was over.

Mass hasn't been so short in the seven years I've lived here.

It was simply the weirdest thing.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

Cheers :-)
Joanne
- Rainforest Mommy

Welcome to Rainforest Mommy

2010-05-29T13:30:00.001-06:00

This is me.

Joanne but most call me Jo. Mother to Matthew. Daughter to Nadine. Sister to Alexander and Patrick. Sister-in-law to Veronica and Tanis. Auntie Jo to many. Friend to many more.
I am Canadian. I live in a Rainforest.
I make signs and create art.
I love to shop.

This is Matthew.

My son. My love. My heart. And my stress.
He is a grandson. A nephew. A cousin.
He is Mayan Indian. He lives in the Rainforest, too.
He plays with trucks and balls.
He loves Doggy.

This is Doggy.

Need I say more?

This blog will be about life here in the rainforest, on our farm, with our many, many animals. For the moment, we have eleven dogs (yes I am insane), two fish, two doves, one rabbit and one cat. We share 32 acres of land with the rest of our family, my mother, brothers, their wives and their children. Or at least we will when my second brother and his family move here this summer.

Other animals on the farm include eight dogs and their 18 puppies, two cats, two turtles, many rabbits, fish and birds, three cows and two horses who will soon be three. It's a regular zoo here and I love almost every second of it!

We farm coconuts mainly but also have mangos, avocados, mahogany and teak. In the next few months we will add peppers to that list and the current plan is to plant potatoes in November.

We grow a lot of other things too but in small quantities, meaning one of this type of tree and one of that type. Matthew's favorite are the multitude of mulberry bushes. My favorite is the surinam cherry tree although Matthew usually gets most of the cherries before I do.

I have lots of ideas and thoughts to get out of my head and I thought this blog would be a good place to do that. Please visit again and leave comments. Matthew and I love comments.

Cheers :-)
Joanne
- Rainforest Mommy